I don’t know who genetically I got it from, but I’m a worrier. Like if I was born in the 1800’s I would have been that wife that had to go lay down in the middle of the afternoon with the windows drawn shut because she worried herself sick. They’d close the blinds in on me and tell me to just relax in the darkness so I wouldn’t get worked up. I’d lay there in the faux night with my eyes open thinking, “Is my heart pounding too fast?” or “I can feel my spine crushing my heart.”

I might have always been a little bit of a worrier, but never like this. Never the kind that keeps you awake at night or bother you all day at work. It’s why I compulsively list. If I write it down I’ll never forget and I can always look back on it and worry later.

List of things to ask my doctor:

My heart being irregularly/too fast

My scoliosis getting worse

J’s eye fungus

J’s skin cancer

J’s 30!

Then I end up with 10 lists full of things to do and worry about, so instead of even looking at them again, I just take a nap.